How finding a hobby has benefitted my mental health

Image taken from warhorsecreek.org

I'm writing this after coming back from a two hour hack in the woods on a lovely horse called George (he is a lazy yet determined Irish Cobb with a round middle, whose main passion is eating and who is not my horse but I like to pretend he is). Riding isn't always easy, but it is something I love, and having something I enjoy, I have drive at and pride in has really helped my mental health. Here's why:

1) Something to look forward to

I look forward to my rides every week and this gives me a sense of pace to my weeks and something to be ready for. It is the one thing in my diary that is just for me and one of the things I value most. So if I'm feeling worn out, overwhelmed, down or stressed - riding is what I set my mind on and this really helps me make it through.

2) Practising perseverance and compassion

There are rides where everything flows, my body is relaxed and my head is more spacious and perhaps I work out something I've been trying to master for a while. There are the hacks in the forest where we canter at speed and I love the sense of movement and freedom and also the sense of security in myself, from being able to relax and enjoy it with my horse (and opportunities to feel sure of yourself when you have mental illness are worth their weight in gold). But there are also the lessons in the school where I'm tight, physically and mentally, the weather may be challenging or I'm trying, but struggling, to work on my position and my horse isn't going forward how I would like. But I'm determined to keep riding every week because I know those brilliant moments will happen - if I stay curious and open-minded my horse will make sure of it. And I have to try to be compassionate to myself on the tough lessons and always compassionate to my horse, so he knows I love him and I'm grateful to him for carrying me. 

3) An opportunity to be mindful

I find some activities easier than others to practise mindfulness, but there's something about being outside and with animals that really helps. My horse feeds off my mental state and the tension in my body, so I try to meditate before I ride and do some physical relaxation. As I'm riding I need to try to stay in the present moment, to adjust my body in response to cues from the horse and to set out intentions in a positive and compassionate way. 

4) Allowing myself to be a beginner

When I first got back in the saddle it was like being a complete beginner again as I became re-acquainted with muscles I'd forgotten I had and the challenges and rewards of working with animals. And even as I progress I'm always learning something for the first time and practising putting it all together. Mental-illness can make us our own bullies, constant internal abuse. So to have something you love helps you to fight back that bully, as you know it just gets in the way of the enjoyment. So finding something where you allow yourself to learn and progress with determination and kindness is a real gift. 

5) Exercise

In my opinion, it's the most fun way to exercise and I know movement is good for my brain. And it helps me be motivated to workout during the week too (in moderation - I try to be mindful and aware of slipping into 'body-buff, this has gone too far, fitness mode') so I can develop strength for riding.

6) Just pure enjoyment

It took me years to come back to riding and I had to wait until I was ready. But now I've found I am in a space where I just simply enjoy something. I experience some negatives around it, perhaps wondering if I'm good enough at it or frustrations as I develop my skills. But I've been lucky enough to find something that just really works for me and a place where I feel in touch with who I am and I feel confident and at ease. 

7) Identity

I love riding horses and it is something that expresses my best-self. Enough said. 

So if you do have mental health problems I hope this inspires you to see if you can find a hobby that gives you enjoyment, pride and freedom every single week!

Compassionista xxx

Are you exercising compassionately?

Today I went on a lovely walk in our local park surrounded by wonderful wildlife with a dear friend of mine. This suited my newly formed compassionate approach to wellbeing very well indeed. So what is this shift in attitude, and do you find yourself questioning modern exercise routines in the same way I do?

I have recently suffered a knee injury. It has come about after going jogging. I have been wishing to find more holistic exercise ideas and leave the repetitive and frankly boring (to me) gym routine behind. So, I'd been doing some running. I really connected with the joy and freedom I could experience by grabbing my trainers and running all round my neighbourhood. When I discovered the Headspace session on Mindful running (thank you Andy Puddicombe for bringing such presence to us all!) the deal was sealed! But then, a few sessions in my knee gives way...... 

Was running the cause? Was the freedom and mindful experience to be something I could not enjoy? Well perhaps not for now, but I really believe running was the straw that broke my knee, it was not the cause. The cause was the hours I've spent in front of my TV, alone, doing probably a million squats (by now) with the latest workout DVD that promises a lean body in minimal time. A DVD that seems to take over my mind and body (as if possessed) promising near perfect (or perfect!) results if I just dig deep and work hard..... A video that knows I'm lost down a rabbit hole of wanting and I'll grab onto anything to 'feel' happier.... if I just get fitter.... get better legs.... banish the bingo wings (if anyone knows, please tell me where I can banish them to, then I'll seal them in an envelope right now, never to be seen again) and be more perfect, then I'll be happy.......?

So my knees have decided to give me some guidance.... 'STEP AWAY FROM THE TV AND FOR F***'S SAKE STOP SQUATTING!' Now... lets just pause and rephrase that sentence. Lets be a bit more  compassionate (hehe). What I'm trying to say to myself instead, is, STOP, BREATH and move to a mindful place. It's ok to exercise however you exercise from one moment to the next, because you're human and navigating a complex world of influences. But by bringing mindful attention to the current moment, notice that you're knee is hurt. It needs time to heal, it needs to be listened to. Perhaps you can bring this pain into your awareness to inform you?

So, all strenuous exercise has stopped for three weeks, the microwavable wheat bag has moved in and I've been contemplating. Here is the result;

I've been doing damage to my mind and my body trying to create a physique that can only be found in Photoshop. And mindfulness has helped me tune into this pain. I am a human being - human beings need love to grow. Its time to love myself and exercise can be a great form of self care. I read a fabulous paragraph in the Mindful Diet by Ruth Wolever and Beth Reardon at the weekend and I'm going to share some of it here with you. 

'Not perfect, but Present.... Not only is perfection a myth that's unattainable in real life; perfectionism is counter productive to change. When your goal is perfection, anything less is a failure. So let's trade in all our ideas about perfection - a perfect diet, a perfect bod, a perfect life - for something attainable, real, and useful.' 

So I'm starting to make some changes. I'm smiling at my pale, milky skin in the mirror and bring mindful attention to my thoughts and feelings when I reach for the self-tan bottle. I'm hoping to use my exercise DVD in moderation, choosing titles that focus on the health benefits of improved strength and a healthy heart, rather than the main focus being what we look like. Perhaps I can go to an aerobics class instead, where I can be with others and enjoy moderate exercise in good company. I'm walking with friends and I hope to take up dancing again! I'm looking forward to running once I'm well enough taking care of my body by listening to it and enjoying developing deep familiarity with my neighbourhood and nature. 

Paul Gilbert wrote in his book, The Compassionate Mind, that 'compassion can be defined in many ways, but its essence is a basic kindness, with a deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and of other living things, coupled with the wish and effort to relieve it.... compassion has also been seen as a major healing process for our turbulent minds and relationships.' (Thank you Paul, for all your book has done for me)! To give myself the gift of time with nature on a run, to give myself the gift of spending time with friends on a walk and give something back to them, to give myself the gift of a healthy heart and lungs, to listen to my muscles; rest them when they're tired and to love them instead of hurting them. To get my heart rate up so I can have a healthy cardiovascular system, so my cells can thrive! To give my soul the gift of laughing with friends when I get the dance steps wrong, and to enjoy the moment when I get it right with more wholehearted awareness..... THAT MIGHT JUST BE EXERCISING COMPASSIONATELY!

Compassionista x

P.S. I must have been blessed with an amazingly supportive environment to make this shift and I have been trying to take steps towards it over a long period of time, life is a journey... take time to enjoy it.