5 Practical Ways to Help Depression: from a sufferer

Depression is a unique, horrible and well hidden illness. But it is affecting more and more people, so I wanted to share some ideas on the things that have helped me get through it, past and present, that might help others. 

Depression can affect people in different ways, so I will try to explain how I experience it. This video puts it perfectly for me. If this sounds familiar, give these ideas a try if you can, they might help.... even a bit.

1. Find a charity that offer peer support

This is similar to my advice on the 'Find Your People post on anxiety.' Peer support, for me, is amazing. It can help so much to find a supportive environment and share experiences with others. It's not a quick fix, because there really isn't one. But when you are having a day when the depression is really bad and getting out of bed seems daunting and seemingly impossible, it can help to know that there are people out there who feel the same and who are rooting for you. 

Charities have a lot on offer now, from support groups and social groups, to advice and coaching services. To know that your support group members care for you and would really miss you if you weren't around or to know that there is a cup of tea with your name on it waiting for you can be enough to help you find the will to fight. I always think having depression makes you physically feel like you're walking through treacle and just having a shower can take me hours. But knowing I have people who care waiting for me helps so much. Or perhaps you're feeling anxious about filling out a form, there might well be a local advocate who can help you do that. 

Where do I find a charity? Google is a great place to start but there are also a lot of information lines that might be able to help provide the contacts of local charities e.g. Mind and Rethink but also your GP will hopefully have links with support that's local to you. 

2. Seek professional treatment

Depression is a mental illness, and mental illness is a serious and real as physical illness. You deserve support to get through this and going to see your GP is really critical to getting well. You're GP will be able to refer you for psychological therapies, prescribe medication if you would like, signpost you to support groups and charities, assess your safety and monitor your illness.

It can be very daunting to make that first visit, but it is very important. If you don't find one GP is very helpful, then you can always try visiting another one in your practice. More and more GP's are making connections with local support services and the profile of mental health is being raised, so it is well worth having a chat to them. See if you can ask a friend or relative to go with you if you think that would help.

I have found talking therapy and mindfulness training has helped me so much and my GP was able to recommend an excellent hospital for me to go to. If you have private medical cover its worth seeing if it covers talking therapies. Sometimes there can be long waiting lists on the NHS, much like many things, and private treatment can be expensive. Personally I've found the money myself and my family have spent on treatment for my mental illnesses is the best investment we've ever made. I recently came across this excellent article on ways to find affordable therapy and sometimes charities provide scalable therapy services, so tip #1 is a good one to follow.

You can access therapy in so many ways too now. Talk to your GP about online CBT, for example from IESO or see if your workplace has an Employee Assistance Program, you can often access free phone or email counselling this way.  

If you do decide to undertake talking therapy you need to set aside time outside of sessions to work with your thoughts and feelings. It is hard work. My house is full of CBT worksheets and I have so many notebooks I'm single-handedly keeping Paperchase going! I practice my mindfulness exercises everyday and I write in my journal to help recognise any unhelpful thinking patterns as soon as possible. So I guess I'm trying to say, it really is worth doing your homework. 

3. Self-care

When you have the flu its best to rest up and get well. Sometimes we're tempted to carry on with a load of cough and cold remedies, but actually rest and care is the most effective way to get well. It's no different with depression. You're body and mind are under attack from an illness. Care is what you need. 

Self-care is different for everyone but here are some ideas to start you off with. 

• See if a friend or loved one can help out with the chores or looking after the kids until you're well.
• See if you can take some time off work or talk to you manager about making adjustments whilst you're not well e.g. regular rest breaks or working a more flexible pattern (you're GP can help recommend this to your work place if you request an Occupational Health assessment). 
• Allow enough time for rest and sleep. If sleep is difficult see if you can create a helpful routine (I will make sure I post about mine in future).
• Set out daily time to do activities that comfort you. Perhaps watching you're favourite TV program, eating your favourite food or doing something you enjoy like going to the cinema. Pick things that are low anxiety and as enjoyable as anything can be right now, given how you're feeling.
• Curl up a lot - get a blanket, a cup of tea, put the TV on and tuck yourself up on the sofa as often as possible. This is what you do for a physical illness, mental illness needs the same care. Whenever you're feeling anxious or low, consider whether you need self-care. 

When I've been really depressed in the past and I felt suicidal, my husband would book cinema tickets regularly. I loved the cinema, we would pick quiet showings where no one was around. I would dress in my tracksuit, buy pick-a-mix and hot chocolate and literally curl up in the dark  cinema and get lost in the film. It was about the only thing I enjoyed at that time. I would call my husband to explain I was feeling suicidal and he would help me to promise I'd wait to see the film before I did anything. And week by week I kept making it to the cinema.... I'm still here 4 years later and I still love movies!

4. Self-help

Self-help books aren't for everyone. But, if you do like reading or you're willing to give it a try, there really is an amazing wealth of therapeutic material out there. When I was really unwell the first time, I was too ill to work. So I needed to create a structure for myself and I wanted to find out what I could do to help me recover. I find when I'm suffering a really bad bout of depression I cannot concentrate on reading a book, I often don't have the energy to even sit up! So I decided to try audiobooks. I would listen, sometimes fall asleep, sometimes cry too much to hear what was being said, but I'd try again the next day, and the next day, and the next day. I'd follow along with a copy of the book from the library. Until eventually I found the ideas were sinking in and I was ready to try some of the self-help techniques recommended.  Now, I have incorporated so many of the techniques I've learned into my life to improve my wellbeing and I use them in conjunction with my therapy.

Here are just a few of my favourites!

• CBT for Dummies by Rob Wilson and Rhena Branch (this helped me overcome my depression)
• Overcoming Perfectionism by Roz Shafran, Sarah Egan and Tracey Wade  (this helped me reduce the risk of relapse)
• Sane New World: Taming the Mind also by Ruby Wax (this helped me realise I wasn't alone and begun to teach me mindfulness to manage my illness)
• The Mindfulness Workbook by Thomas Roberts (as recommended to me by my therapist)
• A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled by Ruby Wax (this developed my mindfulness skills and made so much sense to me!)

I thank all you lovely authors for changing my life! I'm serious, these books have!

If all that isn't for you.... how about trying a wellbeing app or an online self-help course. I've never used it myself but the NHS recommend FearFighter, an online CBT based program for fear, panic and anxiety and I've had MoodGYM recommended to me in the past. I haven't tried these yet, so if anyone has, please share your experiences in the comments! Thank you!

And here is a link to some apps from the Mind website Apps for Wellbeing and Mental Health. As I've mentioned before, I use the Headspace app to learn mindfulness meditation. I'm currently working on the depression pack and for me its proving really helpful. It helps me to relate to my thoughts and feelings in a different way, and its comforting to know there are techniques out there to help me recover.

5. One post-it at a time

This was something my counsellor helped me to do. When I was completely broken down and struggling to function at all, she gave me post-its to help change my life. At the time I was living in pyjamas and making whale noises!

(My husband would come home at 5.30pm and run me a bath. I would manage to peel myself off the sofa, take my pyjamas off and get in the bath. Then I would soak until I was all shrivelled up like a pea.... he would try and talk to me, I would just moan. I call this pyjamas and whale noises. If I ever write a book.... that's the title!)

I was tasked with writing out 3 post-its at a time. They were simple things to begin to get me moving. I would stick them up on the wall and just work on one post it at a time. I remember one was to wash up a knife and fork, and that was it (you cannot wash up when you're really depressed, it is physically impossible, unless you're suffering obsession at the same time - then I scream if someone tries to peel me away from it...). That was a tough time. But I've realised now I have an illness. And that's just one thing that helped me to cope.

If you're currently functioning a little more than I was back then, try using post-its to manage your time, celebrate your achievements and pace yourself. Don't forget to include lots of self-care on there!

That's all from me now. I hope this is helpful to someone, its been helpful for me to share.

Take care everyone and take 'self-care',

Compassionista xxx

P.S. I must stress that these are my own personal tips and experiences. I am not a trained medical professional and these ideas wouldn't suit everyone. If you are concerned about any emotions, feelings or symptoms your experiencing, please seek the advice of a trained medical professional as soon as possible.

Top Tips for Managing Anxiety Part 2 'How to create your own Emergency Box'

Hello again everyone,


I hope my last post was helpful to you and thank you so much for reading and supporting me! Now for my next tip!

Oh, and.... I'm going to be TOTALLY honest here, so its like letting any readers in on a life that used to be private. Forgive me if it's too detailed for you, but if we don't start talking about exactly what we do to overcome mental health difficulties then we've missed a trick, because we can help each other.


3. The Emergency Box.

If I become aware that my anxiety is becoming really high or I feel I'm starting to move into a more depressed mood, I get the Emergency Box out. Sometimes I don't manage to realise I need it myself and hubby says, 'I think you need your box honey...' I tell you what though, if I've put my red wristband on and I'm not within 2 feet of that box, I know I need to stop whatever I'm trying to battle through doing or 'getting on with' and use my box.

So, what is in my Emergency Box and what is it for?

My Emergency Box was put together on recommendation of a friend who had made one for someone. It was a box full of all her favourite things that she could go to when she felt really low. It was hoped it would be a prompt towards remembering all the good things in life (which the anxiety goggles make very, very blurry sometimes, like we're swimming under water and we can't see or breath....) and encourage her to keep going and keep fighting to stay well.

My box started off as a big PINK box with flowers all over it from Paperchase (overcoming my anxiety has at times meant its been like stationary on prescription), but has since become a more muted taupe coloured box as I've aged a bit and now only let 'neutral' colours enter my home.... anyway!

What's inside my box?

1. A message to myself from myself. I read this first: 'Well done for coming to the box. It means you're bubbling right now (bubbling is my word to describe very high anxiety, where I feel like my blood is bubbling). I want you to remember the times in the past you've used the things in here to calm you down and you've moved passed the anxiety you're feeling right now. It will be ok. You can do this.'

2. Instructions of how to use the box. When I'm really, really really anxious, I literally need it one-step-at-a-time. So I've written myself instructions for what to use and in what order. It helps me to see past the anxiety googles!

3. A candle. The first thing I do is light my candle. It's just a small candle, and it's white. To me, white signals clarity and peace, the true essence of myself. This is what I'm always aiming to feel. To drown out all the noise, and just let my own natural light shine through and show me the way. This is my 'little guiding light' like the song we used to sing at Brownies. This step gives me great HOPE. Once its lit I know I can start to calm down and enjoy the box! (This might not ring true with everyone, and that's ok. This is an ethos I've developed over the years of overcoming anxiety and depression.... hopefully I can share this more in future. But for now, just think about whether a candle could signal to you how you have survived feeling this anxious before, and you can survive again).

4. A blank piece of paper. The next instruction tells me to use the piece of paper to write down what I think has bought me to this state. Sometimes its one immediate thing, perhaps I had a triggering phone call from someone, or sometimes its lots of things that have built up. I will just write short phrases or single words. This is the communication and self regulation thing happening again......Now I'm a tiny bit clearer and I can give the paper to my 'safe' person (hubby) so that they can actively begin helping me. If you don't live with your 'safe' person or they're not around at this time, you can send them a photo of the paper. (see previous post on tips to find a safe person) Knowledge is self-regulation, so we're beginning to clear some of the anxiety mist now. 

(There's more though.... in case you're thinking, a candle and a piece of paper and the Compassionista thinks I'm feeling better?!?!)

5. The next instruction tells me to write down my numbers (see previous post) and write it down or text it to my 'safe' person. 

6. Put my favourite song on my ipod speakers. Mine is 'The Way You Look Tonight', the Maroon 5 version - it just makes me feel bouncy!

7. Next is something most people LOVE to do! I eat chocolate! I have, wrapped up in my box, some dark chocolate. I make sure I always replenish it, so its always stocked up! I have been eating dark chocolate (in moderation) ever since I read about foods that can help depression, so that's for about 5 years now! This is just a nice thing to do for yourself. It's saying 'its ok that you feel this way', and it recognises that you need to give your self love and comfort (SELF COMPASSION). It can be anything you like to eat that is a real treat, because in that moment when my anxiety is that bad, my own understanding of compassion says that the primary focus is to help me feel better in that moment, so eating sugary and yummy food is a good thing! I've recently discovered mug cake sachets and added one of those to my box too!

8. Now I read my 'hopes and dreams post-its'. When I was really suffering clinical depression, hubby and I wrote down some hopes on post-its. They were things that even through the dark mist I could see would bring me joy and we agreed they could be possible one day. The deal was that I kept fighting my illness, to get to those hopes. I will share them, as I hope it will help you have your own reflections. I have three pink post-its (they're 4 years old now). One says, baby, one says bunny and one says wedding. When I wrote these they seemed illusive... But now I'm married (and I loved our wedding despite my anxiety), we're buying a place together and we have plans to put pets in it! This helps me reflect and feel HOPEFUL. Now the anxiety mist is really shifting.

9. Chai Latte. Or any beverage of your choice. I find hot drinks incredibly relaxing. Also I know a milky hot drink gets me protein and calories, which my body needs to have to recover from the draining anxiety. This is another important step in caring for yourself. You are worthy of care and you're showing yourself that by making a lovely hot drink. So I keep a pot of chai latte powder in my box and my favourite mug is in there too. (I have a milk frother to make mine.... literally it is AMAZING, get one!) 

This is also a good point to mention mindfulness. If any of you have tried any mindfulness, making a hot drink is a great exercise to practice paying mindful attention. If you can learn to do this you're even further on your way to clearing the mist. If anyone would like to learn mindfulness I would recommend the Headspace app or for this specific activity, week 1 of Ruby Wax's mindfulness course in 'A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled.'

10. Next is another activity to bring attention to my senses. As soon as you bring your attention to the senses the self-regulation part of your brain is activated. It is a completely different system to the one thats involved in anxiety. This is why these sense activities can start to calm you down a little and just take the heat off. I have some hand cream from our hotel room when we got married. I keep it in the box, I smell it and gently rub it into my hands. I love the smell and I begin to connect to happy memories. This helps to give my anxiety a sense of impermanence, because if anxiety always stayed, I wouldn't have got through my wedding day! Do you have a favourite hand cream, lip balm, body lotion or perfume/aftershave. Perhaps you just love the smell, perhaps a loved one bought it for you or perhaps it reminds you of a special occasion. Add it to your box. 

11. Next, I look through a few more 'happy memory' items. I have a note card from my husband when he bought me Ruby Wax's Mindfulness book, it reminds me how much he loves and cares about me, and I have a little doll a friend knitted me at Christmas. This particular friend is a very calming one! You might like to choose photos, holiday souvenirs or gifts you've been given. Basically anything you cherish and makes you feel good. 

Wow - there's a lot of steps here... is she still going?.....

Yes she is!!!

12. Now I get into the 'nitty gritty' of dealing with my anxiety. The next step is to use a classic CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) technique that gets to the bottom of the anxiety and levels it out nicely. I have a copy of an ABC sheet in the box and a pen, all there, all ready for me. I ABC the situation/my emotions/my thoughts and I try to challenge them. I 'take my anxious thoughts to court' to see if they are really worth believing! This gives me a more helpful perspective and moves me towards feeling more balanced and positive once more. 

Now, the ABC technique is a whole post in itself. But it is such an important step in this routine. It moves me past the thoughts that hold me hostage, whilst the other things in my box turn my mind's heat down. I've become quite confident in using this technique, but I've practiced a lot and I've had the help of a psychologist. But I first found it in the book CBT for Dummies. I would really recommend this as a great place to start to learn this technique and become skilled at it. Here is a copy of an ABC sheet I like if you'd like to try one. ABC Sheet 

13. We're nearly there now.... nearly calm... to finish calming down I do a relaxation exercise or a mindfulness exercise. Anything like this takes practice, so if you find one you like and think you could use, practice it often when you're feeling calmer. Then it will serve you well when you're anxious. I will share some of the exercises I use in future. But in the meantime you could try the Headpace app. I use this a lot and I find it really helps. Or if you'd like a relaxation exercise this one is similar to the one my therapist taught me Peaceful Place (Safe Place) Imagery. 

14. Finally! I read a positive affirmative quote from a book my Dad bought me Positive Quotations. It's a fantastic way to sense perspective and to recognise that you have managed to relax your mind and body from the difficult place they started when you came to your box. I really love this book, thank you Dad!

And we're there!... We have an Emergency Box!

Wow! That was a long post! I hope it was worth getting to this point though! Please leave comments if you find it helpful or have any questions. I hope this helps some of you or at least is an insightful read. 

Next time, we carry on with the Top Tips including helplines, scheduling your time and self-care. And I'm sure we'll delve into CBT and Mindfulness some more. Oh, and if you're feeling really emotional now, a blog can be a difficult read.... so I'm going to try my hand at making some of these tips into vlogs, so you can watch instead! watch this space!

Thank you so much for reading,

Compassionista x

P.S.

I must stress that these are my own personal tips and experiences. I am not a trained medical professional and these ideas wouldn't suit everyone. If you are concerned about an emotions, feelings or symptoms your experiencing please seek the advice of a trained medical professional as soon as possible.