So I thought, given my experience and the commonality of anxiety in different shapes and forms, I would share my tips on how I manage it. Also, I have expert help for my brain, in the form of an amazing clinical psychologist with years of experience, an amazing support group, friends who understand and I've read a lot of self-help books.....(not everyone gets access to such an amazing support network).... so I figure, what I've learned is well worth sharing.
And of course, one of the best antidotes to anxiety, is learning self-compassion, so this seems a good post for a Compassionista to write!
I have found I need to manage my anxiety with short term and longer term antidotes. So I'm going to share a wide variety of ideas, some quicker to try than others. But I do think there is no quick-fix. What is fixing anyway? Isn't the spectrum of the human condition so broad, that the idea of 'fixing' anyone or ourselves is unrealistic and inappropriate? But anyway, here we go:
Oh - and one more tinny thing (sorry!).... I'm splitting this post into lots of mini-posts... because breaking things down into small steps is a great antidote to anxiety!
1. Communication - the beginning of self-regulation.
A) If you have a person close to you who you feel can understand and support your anxiety then these communication strategies could help you feel safe in tough times, but they can also be used to communicate with yourself - to know you're own state of mind and act accordingly.
I have coloured wristbands. I wear them to indicate how high my anxiety is at any one moment. I have red for really really 'get me outta here' high anxiety, orange for 'I'm not so good right now', yellow for 'I'm managing pretty well' and green for 'hey, I'm feeling nice and relaxed.' My husband is my 'person who gets it' who knows what these mean. It is a really easy way for him to be able to actively help me manage my anxiety, without having to communicate verbally. This is great for when we're out with friends or if my anxiety is making it difficult for me to communicate.
It is also a way of me reminding myself to check in with my head. Sometimes, before I used my wrist bands, I would get carried away in a day and perhaps do more than my nerves could handle, speed through the day and find myself with a panic attack for company at the end of it. It helps me pause and listen to my needs. It usually means I put the kettle on practice some self-care!
I loved it when I was at the IOW Festival this year that my colourful wristbands fitted in beautifully - but mine were really saying something.....
Ooooh, and I have black, grey and white ones when I need to be more subtle :)
B) I also use a numbers scale. I regularly rate how anxious I'm feeling on a scale of 1 - 10, where 1 is quite low anxiety and 10 is the highest anxiety. I have a chalkboard in my hallway with chalk easily to hand where I rate my anxiety as soon as I walk through the door. I will also often text the number to my husband on a regular basis. I hope everyone can find someone they feel they can trust to share this information with, and if you're not sure who's up to the job, suggestion 2 should help!
These numbers serve much the same purpose as the wristbands, but they are also useful in tracking your anxiety across a longer period of time. You can begin to see patterns in your life that can trigger higher anxiety and then take steps to lower it.
2. Find your people.
Ok, this isn't hard now... anxiety is everywhere! You need to find people you can talk to who suffer the same way. I joined a charity offering lots of social activities for people with mental health problems and immediately I realised how free I could be, I could say how anxious I was and everyone was just like, yeah me too! Lets talk about it and feel better. Its like I finally found a volume button for all the judgemental thoughts and I turned it right down! I really found a place where I could start to be myself and my confidence started to build.
I also found a support group - actually, I've have had the support of at least 3 groups at one point! The power of sharing and reflecting..... To voice your struggles, to hear the struggles of others, to talk about the harsh realities of modern life and know that its ok to say 'I'm not coping' is so helpful. Even though sometimes you can feel worse, you gain more understanding of your problems and can consider how you can move forward with them. Knowledge is power! And these amazing people will be there for you every week! Also sometimes, to just listen to others, gives you a break from the constant internal monologue. And then the best bit... when you find you can help someone else - and you realise you might just be able to help yourself too!
After a long time of attending support groups, I now run my own, closer to my local area. I never thought I'd have the confidence to facilitate one! You never know what you're journey meeting others who suffer could lead too! You can help yourself and help others.
That's it for now.... phew I hear you sigh... :) Coming up soon: creating an emergency box, picking a helpline that's right for you, self-care, using CBT and mindfulness and doing your favourite things! To name but a few!
Thank you so much
Compassionista x
