Are you exercising compassionately?

Today I went on a lovely walk in our local park surrounded by wonderful wildlife with a dear friend of mine. This suited my newly formed compassionate approach to wellbeing very well indeed. So what is this shift in attitude, and do you find yourself questioning modern exercise routines in the same way I do?

I have recently suffered a knee injury. It has come about after going jogging. I have been wishing to find more holistic exercise ideas and leave the repetitive and frankly boring (to me) gym routine behind. So, I'd been doing some running. I really connected with the joy and freedom I could experience by grabbing my trainers and running all round my neighbourhood. When I discovered the Headspace session on Mindful running (thank you Andy Puddicombe for bringing such presence to us all!) the deal was sealed! But then, a few sessions in my knee gives way...... 

Was running the cause? Was the freedom and mindful experience to be something I could not enjoy? Well perhaps not for now, but I really believe running was the straw that broke my knee, it was not the cause. The cause was the hours I've spent in front of my TV, alone, doing probably a million squats (by now) with the latest workout DVD that promises a lean body in minimal time. A DVD that seems to take over my mind and body (as if possessed) promising near perfect (or perfect!) results if I just dig deep and work hard..... A video that knows I'm lost down a rabbit hole of wanting and I'll grab onto anything to 'feel' happier.... if I just get fitter.... get better legs.... banish the bingo wings (if anyone knows, please tell me where I can banish them to, then I'll seal them in an envelope right now, never to be seen again) and be more perfect, then I'll be happy.......?

So my knees have decided to give me some guidance.... 'STEP AWAY FROM THE TV AND FOR F***'S SAKE STOP SQUATTING!' Now... lets just pause and rephrase that sentence. Lets be a bit more  compassionate (hehe). What I'm trying to say to myself instead, is, STOP, BREATH and move to a mindful place. It's ok to exercise however you exercise from one moment to the next, because you're human and navigating a complex world of influences. But by bringing mindful attention to the current moment, notice that you're knee is hurt. It needs time to heal, it needs to be listened to. Perhaps you can bring this pain into your awareness to inform you?

So, all strenuous exercise has stopped for three weeks, the microwavable wheat bag has moved in and I've been contemplating. Here is the result;

I've been doing damage to my mind and my body trying to create a physique that can only be found in Photoshop. And mindfulness has helped me tune into this pain. I am a human being - human beings need love to grow. Its time to love myself and exercise can be a great form of self care. I read a fabulous paragraph in the Mindful Diet by Ruth Wolever and Beth Reardon at the weekend and I'm going to share some of it here with you. 

'Not perfect, but Present.... Not only is perfection a myth that's unattainable in real life; perfectionism is counter productive to change. When your goal is perfection, anything less is a failure. So let's trade in all our ideas about perfection - a perfect diet, a perfect bod, a perfect life - for something attainable, real, and useful.' 

So I'm starting to make some changes. I'm smiling at my pale, milky skin in the mirror and bring mindful attention to my thoughts and feelings when I reach for the self-tan bottle. I'm hoping to use my exercise DVD in moderation, choosing titles that focus on the health benefits of improved strength and a healthy heart, rather than the main focus being what we look like. Perhaps I can go to an aerobics class instead, where I can be with others and enjoy moderate exercise in good company. I'm walking with friends and I hope to take up dancing again! I'm looking forward to running once I'm well enough taking care of my body by listening to it and enjoying developing deep familiarity with my neighbourhood and nature. 

Paul Gilbert wrote in his book, The Compassionate Mind, that 'compassion can be defined in many ways, but its essence is a basic kindness, with a deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and of other living things, coupled with the wish and effort to relieve it.... compassion has also been seen as a major healing process for our turbulent minds and relationships.' (Thank you Paul, for all your book has done for me)! To give myself the gift of time with nature on a run, to give myself the gift of spending time with friends on a walk and give something back to them, to give myself the gift of a healthy heart and lungs, to listen to my muscles; rest them when they're tired and to love them instead of hurting them. To get my heart rate up so I can have a healthy cardiovascular system, so my cells can thrive! To give my soul the gift of laughing with friends when I get the dance steps wrong, and to enjoy the moment when I get it right with more wholehearted awareness..... THAT MIGHT JUST BE EXERCISING COMPASSIONATELY!

Compassionista x

P.S. I must have been blessed with an amazingly supportive environment to make this shift and I have been trying to take steps towards it over a long period of time, life is a journey... take time to enjoy it. 

On the Road to Compassion

The daily commute - I would guess that just my mention of it has perhaps got you clenching you teeth and your shoulders are finding their way to you ears! The commute for many has become something so stressful and something we have to do twice a day. And for some people they're commuting and doing the school run, the pressure on us looms large every morning.

People are now travelling further than ever before and there's more people than ever on the roads,  on bicycles and using public transport. So I thought it helpful to think about how we can help ourselves and others to make this experience a less stressful one. By extending kindness to each other we can reduce our own suffering and the suffering of others and we can bring a more compassionate and positive start to our day.

Here are some ideas of how to bring compassion to your commute:

1. Let someone go in front of you in a queue
2. Smile at others
3. Give people space and time to make decisions when in your car
4. Try not to react aggressively if someone pulls out in front of you or walks in front of you
5. Be kind to yourself if you make a mistake, like stalling you car or missing your train

These are just very simple ideas and things I've felt more motivated to do lately as I practice bringing compassion for myself and others into my life. I'm sure you will think of many more. The opportunities to extend kindness to one another seem to know no limits once we create compassionate connections with our selves and others.

What's not as simple is how to become driven to behave in this way. I mostly drive around like I have to defeat every other commuter to get to work on time driven by the internal flight or fight pathway so many of us know so well. But in the moments I've had where I stop this mindless behaviour and behave with kindness have become more frequent as I begin to understand more about compassion and actively practice bringing it into my life.

Meditation has helped me foster a more compassionate stance and helps me understand my own internal suffering so much better. This moves me to recognise suffering in others and act to relieve it. So when I'm in my car I notice the troubled expressions of those around me, I see the tension in their eyes and the anguish and exhaustion on their faces. And I recognise this same suffering in myself. I feel a sense of concern that we feel we have to battle to work in this way. I bring to mind the potential effects of this behaviour, from the stress we then carry into the rest of our day, having detrimental affects on our health if left unaddressed, to more immediate negative consequences such as road rage altercations and accidents due to aggression or lack of awareness. I see that we're all pulled in a million different directions by our stressed minds, unable to negotiate the challenge in front of us. It leaves us feeling depleted and frustrated.

An understanding of the true implications of our commuting behaviour on ourselves and others, in all the far reaching ways, helps us to see the great benefit of change and the need to change. It helps us challenge the thought that tells us we have to get to work on tine at all costs and it refocusses our attention on more mindful behaviours.

Imagine if we could sooth ourselves and others by cooperating and collaborating on our commute? Helping each other onto trains,  leaving gaps for each other in our cars and thanking each other for our kindness. I bet we'd get to work quicker and happier!

Compassionista x