Surviving that 'New Year' feeling

New Year can be a really strange time for some of us, particularly if we suffer from mental health problems or life has been pretty tough for you of late. Perhaps we feel exhausted after drinking and eating so much over Xmas, perhaps we tried our best to get along with family over Xmas but we struggled or perhaps we're worried about paying off the credit card in January. Perhaps our mental health was so much harder to manage over Xmas when we're all out of routine or perhaps we have recently lost a loved one, are out of work or have struggled with an eating disorder made worse over Christmas. Sorry to sound so depressing but these are challenges we all face and things I feel no one really knows how to talk about at this time of year. The shops start filling with Christmas decorations in November and the gym membership offers or deals on Dulux for January's home makeover are now being readily shoved in our faces.... it can feel like 3 months of endless pressure. 

Today I'm thinking of making new year's resolutions. Something I always find a trigger to lots of emotions. I think every year living with my mental health problems I'm trying to move forward and learn new ways of coping and living alongside my troubles. So sometimes to look back at the last year and forward to the next is overwhelming and distressing. So how can we reframe this time of year more realistically, more compassionately and less commercially? How can we make new year's resolutions whilst feeling good about ourselves as we are now, right in this moment?

1. Change the way we see new year's resolutions. 

Here's the way I'm going to try and think of it. I'll give you some ideas and if you find yourself feeling frustrated by everything I'm saying start by grabbing a notebook and a pen and write down all the reasons you can possibly think of that support what I'm saying.

To begin with the new year really doesn't need to mean too much. A year is just an orbital period defined by the Earth moving around the Sun. We have no control over it and it just so happens its handy for us to keep track of time of years for a whole heap of reasons. One of those reasons doesn't need to be in order to make ourselves reflect on what we've done and might do in future. This is just human nature as per our minds, our minds are also something we didn't ask for and are entirely ours due to evolution. Is your cat currently stressing that's its 2017 and he's already eaten the treat you just gave him instead of resisting, so that this time next year he can feel good because he's thinner?.... Basically, some time has passed from one day to another, but the only difference is that we 'call' it a new year. You don't need to be any better, any thinner, any anything. We all deserve so much better than feeling we need to evaluate ourselves in this way. 

If you're thinking, I didn't do that anyway, or I'm really comfortable about how 2016 went and I'm looking forward to 2017 then awesome. Stop reading and mediate on that. Truly feel that feeling in this moment. 

If what I say sounds like something you wish you could think and are now thinking 'if only it was that easy', then get out your notebook. I'm thinking the same thing, I can write it here but I can't feel it all the time. So that's why I try to do as many things to create a healthy mindset for myself. Bringing me to my first new year's resolution (hope), to build my knowledge of compassion-focussed therapy. This is something that helps so much in reframing new year, compassion. If you're interested try putting 'Paul Gilbert + compassion' into Google or YouTube and take it all in.

2. Change what we call new year's resolutions.

I'm choosing new year hopes and preferences instead. Because, despite all the will in the world I cannot actually control 2017, just like I couldn't control 2016, hence my feeling pretty miserable about it. But I can try to foster a mindset that accepts that I'm a human being, on this planet for reasons completely beyond my control and sometimes its bloody difficult to do things I say I'm going to do. I can say how I would prefer things to be in the next year, but if its doesn't work out it's not because I'm not good enough, it's just the human condition. 

3. Find a friend - a compassionate one (if you have friends that aren't compassionate to you then see if you can seek out some new people)

I will be making my new year hopes and preferences with my best friend - my husband. And I will be making the whole thing as comfortable as possible. We will hug and hold hands. We will smile, but sometimes I might cry because something I really wanted in 2016 didn't work out. But we will support each other and share all the feelings we have. We will try to help each other identify the thoughts that help us at this time of year and challenge those that don't with bravery and compassion. We will have big mugs of tea and food we enjoy eating and we will encourage each other.

4. Finally, if you're feeling really low or are suffering right now, for whatever reason, screw new year!

It's ok if new year is rubbish. Because it really is just another moment in time. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself in this moment, forget that time of year it is. And if you don't know what will help try to find ways to connect with others who are experiencing similar challenges. Perhaps you can find a support group, Google a charity that could help or visit your local CAB, Community Centre or Church. 

Reach out for compassion everyday, and reach in to find it too.

Compassionista xxx

P.S. I must stress that these are my own personal tips and experiences. I am not a trained medical professional and these ideas wouldn't suit everyone. If you are concerned about any emotions, feelings or symptoms your experiencing, please seek the advice of a trained medical professional as soon as possible.