Writing isn't for everyone but I know I feel privileged to be able to read and write. Not only can I fire off emails, write post it notes until my hearts content and manically write Christmas cards in the wee hours panicking I've forgotten someone I have spoken to once in my life... I can also write down the inner working of my mind. Often no miracles result from this and I by no means snap out of whatever mental crisis I am in in that moment, but it does act to give me a little space from my thoughts, a sense of control in an out of control state and hopefully a little clarity on my experiences.I used to write diaries - a lot of people do, particularly in our teenage years. But what I do now is quite different, and to be honest, for me, far more helpful. Now I do two things in my notebook, I either draw mind maps or I do some 'Balancing'. (Also sometimes I get totally distracted and just doodle small hearts and spirals... I'm only human!)
The first is simply like a spider diagram and I tend to use these when I'm pretty low and often unable to express myself verbally. This can be if my OCD is serving up some nasty visual intrusions, if I'm feeling really socially anxious or if I notice I'm feeling quite angry. These kinds of emotions can be so difficult to handle and I can feel like I can't really do anything. But I find I CAN (somehow) pick up my coloured felt tips and make a mind map. I simply start by trying to track each thought that is flying past my eyes, like trying to focus on the people on a train as it flies through a station. These make the branches of the map. Already I feel a tiny bit less edgy. Then I try to write down some details under each branch, perhaps situations that have triggered feelings, perhaps ideas of what to do to help or perhaps situations in my past that they relate to. Even when I feel at my worst I have moved forward - I have it there in writing. And if I think I need some help with all this - tada! 'Hello partner/friend/therapist/dog, please read or destroy this for me!'
Now, if I feel up to it I can try some 'Balancing'. Balancing is an umbrella term I use for when I put CBT techniques into practice and thrash some unhelpful thinking patterns out on paper. I have my own take on how to 'balance' my thinking using a whole range of CBT techniques I've learned. Far too many to describe here, and I'm not a professional so I will only be telling my own version. But I can give you a few basics to investigate! The first is the ABC technique. This is basically where you explore different components of a situation that have caused uncomfortable feelings and you try to see what your mind is really thinking about these (your core beliefs). Then you 'take your thoughts to court' to see how reasonable and true your negative thinking really is. It's best to try some online CBT training, check out a book or see a trained CBT practitioner (if available) to help you get to grips with this - I am after all a sufferer, not a professional. But if you are interested I would recommend this book CBT For Dummies.
The other technique that I use, I came across in a workshop I went to a few years ago. It's like taking the part from the ABC where you 'dispute' your beliefs and focussing in on that. Really good to do once you get the hang or the ABC technique and you want to do more CBT 'on the go' and more quickly. You draw a line down the middle of your page and on one side you write 'Critical Thoughts' and on the other you write 'Balanced Thoughts'. Now you write down in the first column all the horrible, horrible, nasty, nasty, debilitating negative thoughts your brain is hurling at you. Then read them and imagine you're best friend is saying them to you. If you don't have a best friend (that is perfectly ok by the way no matter what you're brain is telling you) you can imagine an animal or object you really care about is voicing them to you. What would you say back? Would you agree when they say they are a failure? Would you agree when they say they are worthless? Would you agree when they say they feel hatred for themselves or others? Or could you see their amazing qualities, their potential, their suffering as a human being just like us all? And would you not want to sooth them, comfort them and be honest with them? Telling them the truth... that they are ok, they will be ok and every storm passes? Well that's what you tell them (you),
Now go write yourselves happy! Or rather go write and see if you can feel like you've moved up a level on the wellbeing scale, go take care of yourself and your mind.
Compassionista xxx
P.S. I must stress that these are my own personal tips and experiences. I am not a trained medical professional and these ideas wouldn't suit everyone. If you are concerned about any emotions, feelings or symptoms your experiencing, please seek the advice of a trained medical professional as soon as possible.
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