I hope my last post was helpful to you and thank you so much for reading and supporting me! Now for my next tip!
Oh, and.... I'm going to be TOTALLY honest here, so its like letting any readers in on a life that used to be private. Forgive me if it's too detailed for you, but if we don't start talking about exactly what we do to overcome mental health difficulties then we've missed a trick, because we can help each other.
3. The Emergency Box.
If I become aware that my anxiety is becoming really high or I feel I'm starting to move into a more depressed mood, I get the Emergency Box out. Sometimes I don't manage to realise I need it myself and hubby says, 'I think you need your box honey...' I tell you what though, if I've put my red wristband on and I'm not within 2 feet of that box, I know I need to stop whatever I'm trying to battle through doing or 'getting on with' and use my box.
So, what is in my Emergency Box and what is it for?
My Emergency Box was put together on recommendation of a friend who had made one for someone. It was a box full of all her favourite things that she could go to when she felt really low. It was hoped it would be a prompt towards remembering all the good things in life (which the anxiety goggles make very, very blurry sometimes, like we're swimming under water and we can't see or breath....) and encourage her to keep going and keep fighting to stay well.
My box started off as a big PINK box with flowers all over it from Paperchase (overcoming my anxiety has at times meant its been like stationary on prescription), but has since become a more muted taupe coloured box as I've aged a bit and now only let 'neutral' colours enter my home.... anyway!
What's inside my box?
1. A message to myself from myself. I read this first: 'Well done for coming to the box. It means you're bubbling right now (bubbling is my word to describe very high anxiety, where I feel like my blood is bubbling). I want you to remember the times in the past you've used the things in here to calm you down and you've moved passed the anxiety you're feeling right now. It will be ok. You can do this.'
2. Instructions of how to use the box. When I'm really, really really anxious, I literally need it one-step-at-a-time. So I've written myself instructions for what to use and in what order. It helps me to see past the anxiety googles!
3. A candle. The first thing I do is light my candle. It's just a small candle, and it's white. To me, white signals clarity and peace, the true essence of myself. This is what I'm always aiming to feel. To drown out all the noise, and just let my own natural light shine through and show me the way. This is my 'little guiding light' like the song we used to sing at Brownies. This step gives me great HOPE. Once its lit I know I can start to calm down and enjoy the box! (This might not ring true with everyone, and that's ok. This is an ethos I've developed over the years of overcoming anxiety and depression.... hopefully I can share this more in future. But for now, just think about whether a candle could signal to you how you have survived feeling this anxious before, and you can survive again).
4. A blank piece of paper. The next instruction tells me to use the piece of paper to write down what I think has bought me to this state. Sometimes its one immediate thing, perhaps I had a triggering phone call from someone, or sometimes its lots of things that have built up. I will just write short phrases or single words. This is the communication and self regulation thing happening again......Now I'm a tiny bit clearer and I can give the paper to my 'safe' person (hubby) so that they can actively begin helping me. If you don't live with your 'safe' person or they're not around at this time, you can send them a photo of the paper. (see previous post on tips to find a safe person) Knowledge is self-regulation, so we're beginning to clear some of the anxiety mist now.
(There's more though.... in case you're thinking, a candle and a piece of paper and the Compassionista thinks I'm feeling better?!?!)
5. The next instruction tells me to write down my numbers (see previous post) and write it down or text it to my 'safe' person.
6. Put my favourite song on my ipod speakers. Mine is 'The Way You Look Tonight', the Maroon 5 version - it just makes me feel bouncy!
7. Next is something most people LOVE to do! I eat chocolate! I have, wrapped up in my box, some dark chocolate. I make sure I always replenish it, so its always stocked up! I have been eating dark chocolate (in moderation) ever since I read about foods that can help depression, so that's for about 5 years now! This is just a nice thing to do for yourself. It's saying 'its ok that you feel this way', and it recognises that you need to give your self love and comfort (SELF COMPASSION). It can be anything you like to eat that is a real treat, because in that moment when my anxiety is that bad, my own understanding of compassion says that the primary focus is to help me feel better in that moment, so eating sugary and yummy food is a good thing! I've recently discovered mug cake sachets and added one of those to my box too!
8. Now I read my 'hopes and dreams post-its'. When I was really suffering clinical depression, hubby and I wrote down some hopes on post-its. They were things that even through the dark mist I could see would bring me joy and we agreed they could be possible one day. The deal was that I kept fighting my illness, to get to those hopes. I will share them, as I hope it will help you have your own reflections. I have three pink post-its (they're 4 years old now). One says, baby, one says bunny and one says wedding. When I wrote these they seemed illusive... But now I'm married (and I loved our wedding despite my anxiety), we're buying a place together and we have plans to put pets in it! This helps me reflect and feel HOPEFUL. Now the anxiety mist is really shifting.
9. Chai Latte. Or any beverage of your choice. I find hot drinks incredibly relaxing. Also I know a milky hot drink gets me protein and calories, which my body needs to have to recover from the draining anxiety. This is another important step in caring for yourself. You are worthy of care and you're showing yourself that by making a lovely hot drink. So I keep a pot of chai latte powder in my box and my favourite mug is in there too. (I have a milk frother to make mine.... literally it is AMAZING, get one!)
This is also a good point to mention mindfulness. If any of you have tried any mindfulness, making a hot drink is a great exercise to practice paying mindful attention. If you can learn to do this you're even further on your way to clearing the mist. If anyone would like to learn mindfulness I would recommend the Headspace app or for this specific activity, week 1 of Ruby Wax's mindfulness course in 'A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled.'
10. Next is another activity to bring attention to my senses. As soon as you bring your attention to the senses the self-regulation part of your brain is activated. It is a completely different system to the one thats involved in anxiety. This is why these sense activities can start to calm you down a little and just take the heat off. I have some hand cream from our hotel room when we got married. I keep it in the box, I smell it and gently rub it into my hands. I love the smell and I begin to connect to happy memories. This helps to give my anxiety a sense of impermanence, because if anxiety always stayed, I wouldn't have got through my wedding day! Do you have a favourite hand cream, lip balm, body lotion or perfume/aftershave. Perhaps you just love the smell, perhaps a loved one bought it for you or perhaps it reminds you of a special occasion. Add it to your box.
11. Next, I look through a few more 'happy memory' items. I have a note card from my husband when he bought me Ruby Wax's Mindfulness book, it reminds me how much he loves and cares about me, and I have a little doll a friend knitted me at Christmas. This particular friend is a very calming one! You might like to choose photos, holiday souvenirs or gifts you've been given. Basically anything you cherish and makes you feel good.
Wow - there's a lot of steps here... is she still going?.....
Yes she is!!!
12. Now I get into the 'nitty gritty' of dealing with my anxiety. The next step is to use a classic CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) technique that gets to the bottom of the anxiety and levels it out nicely. I have a copy of an ABC sheet in the box and a pen, all there, all ready for me. I ABC the situation/my emotions/my thoughts and I try to challenge them. I 'take my anxious thoughts to court' to see if they are really worth believing! This gives me a more helpful perspective and moves me towards feeling more balanced and positive once more.
13. We're nearly there now.... nearly calm... to finish calming down I do a relaxation exercise or a mindfulness exercise. Anything like this takes practice, so if you find one you like and think you could use, practice it often when you're feeling calmer. Then it will serve you well when you're anxious. I will share some of the exercises I use in future. But in the meantime you could try the Headpace app. I use this a lot and I find it really helps. Or if you'd like a relaxation exercise this one is similar to the one my therapist taught me Peaceful Place (Safe Place) Imagery.
14. Finally! I read a positive affirmative quote from a book my Dad bought me Positive Quotations. It's a fantastic way to sense perspective and to recognise that you have managed to relax your mind and body from the difficult place they started when you came to your box. I really love this book, thank you Dad!
And we're there!... We have an Emergency Box!
Wow! That was a long post! I hope it was worth getting to this point though! Please leave comments if you find it helpful or have any questions. I hope this helps some of you or at least is an insightful read.
Next time, we carry on with the Top Tips including helplines, scheduling your time and self-care. And I'm sure we'll delve into CBT and Mindfulness some more. Oh, and if you're feeling really emotional now, a blog can be a difficult read.... so I'm going to try my hand at making some of these tips into vlogs, so you can watch instead! watch this space!
Thank you so much for reading,
Compassionista x
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